I remember when...

I remember growing up at the baseball park.  Do you?  I remember the trucks backed up to the outfield and the cheering fans sitting in the back.  I remember exactly how they looked under the lit up night sky.  I remember my first T-ball team and my first jersey.  I played for Buck's Grill, which was a small hamburger place in the town that I grew up in.  Apparently, they had the best hamburgers around and everyone was sad when they went out of business.  Anyway, I remember my jersey was black and so was my hat.  I remember playing with a team of boys and girls.   I remember feeling nervous and a little awkward.  I remember thinking one of the boys was really cute and how I didn't want to look like a dork in front of him.  But, most of all, I remember loving the entire experience and feeling so proud to be a part of that team.

I also remember transitioning to softball and how proud I was that my Mom coached my teams.  She was tough and loving at the same time.  She got our attention on the field with her stern voice, and threw the best trophy parties for my team at our home at the end of the season.  I'm sure she cooked everything from scratch.  She did all this and worked a full-time job as well.  I so understand where I get all this from.

So, when I see my two growing up at a baseball field as well, it just seems right.  It's my normal.  I can't imagine anything else really.  I hope they look back on these moments with happy thoughts in the same way I did mine.

Jesse doesn't actually play baseball yet, but no doubt she has fun at the field.  I mean...just look at her with one of her best buddies, Erin.



It just doesn't get better than that.



And him.  He's all heart.  He's a little goofy.  He says things out loud to get a laugh from the crowd.  Sometimes it comes out and sounds quite awkward.  He looks like he struggles most than the rest when he's running.  The way he moves his arms makes everyone smile and sort of chuckle.  It's entertaining.  It's also a sign that he wants to be good.

I tell him that All-Star baseball is a little more serious and he returns with, "Mom, I just want to have fun."  How do you argue with an 8 year old about that?  "Ok, have fun...just please try you best OK?"
"Ok Mom."  That's the best I got.



It's truly what it's about to him.  He's playing his life long friends on other teams and he's thrilled to see them and watch their amazing talents.  He doesn't get too incredibly upset about a loss.  Sometimes...well, I think he's got it together better than us.

It's about fun times.  It's about making memories.  It's about being a kid.  I just feel so blessed that I can witness it with my own eyes.  I'm so glad I'm here.  I soak it in.  I breathe in the dust from the fields.  I shuffle the dirt through my flip flops.  I take their picture.  I embrace the moment...because I know the time passes by so quickly.

I know how she felt now.  I know exactly how she felt.  I get it Mom.  I truly get it.  I know why you were so passionate about us doing well.  It was for us.  You wanted it for us.  But you know what?  My brothers and I just loved the fact you were there.  We loved the experience and you.

Here's to summer baseball and my busy schedule.  I probably won't have time to blog much this summer.  I hope I am wrong...only because I want them to remember these moments.  Sometimes I feel like my head is going to explode if I don't get all this written down for them...so maybe I will be here.

So Jonah, "I need a hit, a rip, a run and a score!  I need a hit, a rip, a run and a score!"

And Jesse, well, just have fun kiddo.  You'll be hitting soon enough.

I love you both.

He's 8.

I could go on and on really.  If I had the time I would, but he's got me at the ball park every single night. It's your own fault buddy.  I can't pull all your baby pictures and talk about how sweet your cheeks were and how blue your eyes are.  I can't even pull last month's pictures.  But, I can pull these and tell you I love you and how proud I am of you.



My sweet, loving, just want to have fun 8 year old.  Thank you for reminding me what's important on a daily basis.  I'm so proud of you.



8 years ago...you made me a Mom.  Thank you.  You taught me the deepest love I've ever known.

You will always and forever be my best boy.  I love you.  I love you more.  I love you the most.  I love you to the moon.  No, I love you infinity.

And he would say, "I love you more than that."

And I would say, "That's impossible."

And he would say, "It's opposite day."

And I would think...what does that really mean?

And I would pretend he won.

And secretly know he could never win.

Happy Birthday, my best boy.

Happy Mother's Day

The kids and I were loading up in the Tahoe recently to go somewhere, and I decided I needed to grab a movie to keep them entertained.  I especially like to do this when I'm by myself.  It's like a security blanket.  What if we have a flat tire and we are stuck on the side of the road...what if I just need a few minutes of peace and quiet?  A movie helps sometimes.  Anyway, the thought of picking out a movie that an almost 8 year old boy and 4 year old girl will agree on is almost impossible these days.

I grabbed a good one and we were on our way.  My choice for the drive was...E.T.  You just can't beat it.  It's movie perfection.

The kids cannot use the headphones in the Tahoe anymore.  I am afraid we have misplaced or broken or lost them on the side of the road.  I have no time to investigate it really.  So, that means I get to listen to movies while I drive.  (Ordering new headphones is on my infinite To Do list.  It has one of the lowest priorities and may never get crossed off.)

But, I really do not mind listening to a movie like E.T.  It's a win, win situation.  It's amazing how wonderful a movie is that you can only listen to.  Believe me, I've never laughed so hard at Finding Nemo till I listened to it with my kids on that long trip with just the three of us to Florida last year.  It cracked me up.  Ellen really rocks.

I enjoy listening to the music too.  How many of you relate John Mayer's Say What you Need to Say to The Karate Kid (the one with Will Smith's adorable kid)?  Yep, it's part of the movie, and on a side note, if you ask Jonah who sings this John Mayer song, he will say "oh, someone from China."

Back to E.T. though...my reaction to E.T. this time around was slightly different than the others.  It took me back to a place I haven't been in a very long time.

There's a beautiful scene, it's my favorite part of the movie.  Mary (the Mom played by Dee Wallace) is reading a story to Gertie (Drew Barrymore) at bedtime.  I wasn't sure exactly what the story was (which is what prompted a conversation with one of my closest friends, my twin Heather, that helped me to remember). She reminded me that it was the classic, Peter Pan.  Oh yes.  Oh yes.  The fairies!

This is the excerpt from the Peter Pan story.  Tinker Bell just drank poison to keep Peter from drinking it.

His head almost filled the fourth wall of her little room as he knelt near her in distress. Every moment her light was growing fainter; and he knew that if it went out she would be no more. She liked his tears so much that she put out her beautiful finger and let them run over it.

Her voice was so low that at first he could not make out what she said. Then he made it out. She was saying that she thought she could get well again if children believed in fairies.

Peter flung out his arms. There were no children there, and it was night time; but he addressed all who might be dreaming of the Neverland, and who were therefore nearer to him than you think: boys and girls in their nighties, and naked papooses in their baskets hung from trees.

"Do you believe?" he cried.

Tink sat up in bed almost briskly to listen to her fate.

She fancied she heard answers in the affirmative, and then again she wasn't sure.

"What do you think?" she asked Peter.

"If you believe," he shouted to them, "clap your hands; don't let Tink die."

Many clapped.

Goodness, it still gives me chills.  I had no idea the original Peter Pan story was so beautifully written.

Anyway, the way Gertie says she believes in the fairies out loud and claps when Mary reads it to her...it makes me cry every time I see it.  Even listening to it driving down the road in the Tahoe.

All this had me thinking more about Mary.  She is sort of nuts in the movie.  She's single...her husband recently left her and is with some chick in Mexico.  She's a working Mom of three beautiful kids who decided to adopt an alien.  She's totally got her hands full ha?  She yells at them at times, she is so incredibly scattered and trying to keep things together.  But, she makes time to stock the fridge.  She dressed up for Halloween.  She is thrilled at the sight of her three children dressed up together and worries about them when they don't return when they should.  She reads the most beautiful stories to them at night, in such a beautiful way, it is like they are transformed and part of it.  It's really incredible.

I've thought about this some and sort of surprised at myself for not realizing why I'm so drawn to this movie and especially that moment.  Who else listens to this and cries?  What wrong with me?

And goodness, it hit me.  At first, I thought it was because Gertie reminded me of my daughter, Jesse, but that's not it at all.  It's so obvious to me now.

Gertie reminds me of me.  I remember what it feels like to be held like that.  I remember what it feels like to be loved like that.





I believe I was around Gertie's age when my father passed away.  My Mom moved my brother and I to a small town for a new job.  She was a mess really.  She was now this single, widowed woman with two kids and a full time job in a small town trying to survive.  She was crazy at times...yelling at us to pick up our things and to be good.  I remember all the stress for sure.

But, I remember moments like this more.  She didn't read Peter Pan to me, but she certainly took us to see E.T.  Somehow in her special way, she made me feel this loved.  She made me feel safe.  She gave me so many dreams.  She made me believe.

"I believe!  I believe!  I do!  I do!"

A mother's love is just...well, it's like no other.  I just love Mary in E.T.  She's not perfect, but there is no doubt the incredible love she has for her children.  It just reminded me that no matter what the situation, a mother loves her babies.  Even when times are tough, she loves her babies...even if they adopt an alien.

A mother's love lives on forever too.  I know I still feel mine to this day.



Happy Mother's Day to all my favorite Mothers.  I love you all!

End of Soccer, Cousins and the Secret of Life

I'm in such a good mood.  Really, it's sickening.  I know.  I can't help it though.  What's funny is I'm covered in poison ivy...literally covered in it.  I think I even have it in my ear.  I don't care...I'm still high on life.  I don't even have much to say.  Actually, I have one thing to say.  I'm really thankful for prescription meds and little league soccer and baseball players.  They sure do make me happy.



The soccer season is over and we will miss it.  I personally will miss the soccer socks.  I sure did love the soccer socks.  I might continue to put her in them from time to time.



Her first medal.  She was so proud.  I loved capturing it.



She was so surprised that her cousin, Kadee, and her Grandparents came.  They couldn't have given her anything that made her more happy.



And we left her final game and went straight to Jonah's....do they look interested in the game at all?  They looked up every now and then and wore his button proudly.  Oh, but I know they were proud of him.



My love is good about giving him pointers without going overboard.  It makes me so proud.  He tells me all the time, "At the end of the day...it's just 7/8 year old baseball."  I'm proud of him for recognizing that.



He was equally proud to have such a nice cheering section today.



But we had a little something to take care of when the games were over...we missed Kadee's birthday and I'll be dang if I wasn't going to make up for it.



Don't you just love birthdays?  I think we all should have more than one celebration.



Especially the young ones...it goes by way too fast.  She's 7 now.  It makes me hurt inside.



She is really starting to grow up...too tough to take.



The cake disappeared in...not joking...less than 10 minutes...the entire cake.  We like to eat.



Trampoline time!  Ella can hang.



Jonah is such a goof ball.  I watched him closely at this past Sunday night's All Star game dinner  (at Mexican...I think I am in love with these families).  The boy didn't sit down.  He was standing and talking non stop.  My love said he just needed a podium.



Go Kadee!  My kids worship you.



We got out the slip 'n slide too.  The girls had a towel break.



And laughed at Jonah putting on a show.  I do not know why they think he is so funny.  The more they laugh the worse he's going to get I'm afraid.



Ella might just be Jonah's biggest supporter.

Cousins make childhood a lovely ride.  The Secret of Life by James Taylor...he says it all.

Now, where are those meds for my poison ivy?  I need good sleep for a new day.  Night all.

Luke Love

Jonah yelled at me tonight to get this shot.  "Mama, get your camera!"  I actually didn't jump at the chance.  I was tired.  I've got an endless list of things to do with no possibility of a clean slate in my future.  Ahhhhh, who cares, "Get your camera woman!" I told myself.



Listening to him results in only good things.



What if I didn't listen?



I wouldn't even have seen this.



Oh Luke, thank goodness you are ours.  You bring us joy and busted teeth and a house full of hair and joy....lots of joy.

Safe and Sound

On Saturday, between sporting events, I had the TV on the CMT Top 20 Countdown.  I do love to have music playing in the house.  We so enjoyed and danced to Toby Keith's Red Solo Cup, but then this beauty of a song came on.  It was like the world stopped spinning, and Jesse was screaming my name as soon as Taylor opened her mouth.  Taylor Swift and The Civil Wars together...it's just her dream come true.  Mama!!!  Mama!!!  Hurry!!!  I heard the tune and knew what was playing.  And...I ran to her as quickly as I could stuff the stupid folded towels in the linen closet.



And she was twirling on the rug in front of the TV.  It was graceful.  It was if the music was speaking to her.



She knows the words...mainly just the beginning and she hums the rest.



And today, she did the same thing on my bed as we downloaded it on iTunes.



And as usual, I stared at her.  She's just so captivating to me.  Mommy eyes is what it's called.  Isn't it funny how they can drive you crazy (you know what I mean), but then there are moments like this that you can just sit and admire them for hours?  You wish the moment would never end.  You try your very best to lock it away...safe and sound.

Life is Good

And I'm in a good mood, so here's a few songs for you.

These are random pictures at first.  Jesse dressed herself for baseball.  You could see her a mile away in this bright yellow shirt (which I must love cause I keep buying them).  And Oh, the tacky head band...she wore it so proudly.



I took this picture of Jesse in the Tahoe before we got out.  She moved to the front seat because she wanted to turn up a song on the radio...I think it was Katy Perry and I'm pretty sure she knew most of the words.



Luke likes baseballs.  He acquired every single last T-ball we have, which is OK because we've moved on to the hard ones for some reason I'm not sure.  He also likes squirrels, and I'm pretty sure he thinks he's a hound dog.  He's bound and determined to get those squirrels out of the trees in the back.



They probably wouldn't let me on the field during a game, so I seriously need a ladder and a zoom lens to get some better shots of Jonah in action.  He's over the heat here.  He's ready for a victory cheer and some snacks.  Love the Coach's smile in the distance.




I found these shots amusing of Jesse at Soccer.



Something about her in a soccer uniform...it sort of inspires me on the photography side.



And now down to this evening.  We got some good news.



I sort of feel embarrassed talking about it really, but I guess I will anyway.



See, he tried out for his little league All-Star team on Sunday.  He was so calm and focused (so opposite of his Mom).



And today I got an email that he was chosen to be part of the team.  I asked my Love how to tell him this evening.  He said, "Put a note in the mailbox."  OK!  So I did.  Boy, that was a good idea.  They loved it.



I learned a long time ago that you can't praise one without praising the other, so I praised both.  Jonah got a note that he made All-Stars and Jesse got a note that she rocked at Soccer.  It took me two minutes to scribble them both and slap them in the mail box.



And he called his Dad.  He was proud.



"Oh and Dad, I'm the best Soccer player ever!  Did you know that?"  Jonah's conversations are simple and hers are so much more enthusiastic I guess I could say.



He just stared at it and read it over and over and asked, "So, when do I get my All-Star helmet?"  Oh my.  And this is just what we expected.  I said, "Jonah, is that what it's about?"  He responded, "No, it's about having fun."  That's better.  But, it's natural to get excited about the gear my Love says.  He said he surely did.



And we had pizza and did a little homework and got ready for bed.  He even read his own library book tonight.  All the planets must be aligned or something.  This is not typical.

So, it's OK to be proud of good days and accomplishments.  It's also OK to recognize the importance of keeping your kids grounded as well.  "Son, is this something we go to school and brag about?"  "No Mam."  "Ok."  "You don't have to be an All-Star to be good at and love baseball right?" "That's right."

And then, of course, I throw in how very proud I am of him.

And I gave him a kiss and that was it.  Maybe...well, perhaps, it was a kiss to build a dream on.  I just know he's dreaming about baseball.

I probably will be too.  Good night.

My favorite part of Easter

The Easter bunny brought these cool bubble airplanes he found at Target. (Did you know he shopped at Target?  That's what I hear anyway.)  We took them to the park and launched them before we continued on to the baseball field where Jonah wanted to hit the bucket of balls the bunny left for him as well.



The airplanes are spring loaded.  There is a small bottle of bubbles attached to the bottom.  You pump it a few times and pull the trigger.



The airplane launches and so do the bubbles!  Pretty good entertainment.



And there's these new squeeze bubbles he left as well.  Shoot, they might be old for all I know.  I just never tried them.  Boy are they messy, but I get it.



She liked them, but it resulted in some serious sticky hands and wet clothes.



I love this park.  This is the trail I like to run on the weekends, and every time I run through here, I imagine a beautiful portrait of my kids at this very spot.  This one will do just fine.  It's pretty typical of them.  Well actually, I'll probably be back for more.  It's so beautiful.



I tried to get more and about this point right here, Jesse fell down on that right knee.  There was blood and tears.  We then carried her out and on to the baseball field, where she insisted it was all due to her new flip flops and she needed her tennis shoes on from now on.  So we changed them.



And she ran the bases while Jonah was in the batting cage with my love.



And then she picked flowers in the outfield.

We must have been there for three or more hours.  I loved it all, well, except for her fall.  Oh, and she was so excited about the bubbles that she had a little accident as well.  That wasn't a highlight.

Hey, I'm just keeping it real.  Even with that, it was my favorite part.