Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Jesse's Story

My dear friend, my twin we refer to each other as, sent me this song today.  She says it makes her think of trying for her second son, Miles.  I listened to it and cried.  We get each other on so many levels.  We work together in a man’s world, but I don’t feel like talking about that.  We have leaned on each other through some difficult times...like when we wanted our second child.

So, I told her eventually I would tell Jesse’s story.  When she sent me this song, well, I figured it was my sign to do it.  It’s sort of hard because not many people know.  No one wants that wimpy, sorry for you look, so I kept it in tight.  Of course, I leaned on my love and a few good friends who will always know everything that goes on in my life.  But anyway, here it goes.  Just look at my little miracle.

Of course we’ll have one more child.  Shouldn’t be a problem.  Jonah was so easy.  But as so many people have found, it ain’t always easy.  I charted, I took my temperature every single day… I followed the rules.  It didn’t make any sense.  I’m an engineer, a scientist.  This didn’t add up.  Then, I finally got pregnant.  And then, I miscarried once …. and then again.  Early miscarriages, but the pain is still there.  It took over a year and the details really do not matter.  And to be honest, I don’t remember a lot of those details, well, because like I said, it was tough and I just think I blocked some of it out…which I am very good at.

Third time around… Positive.  I held my breath.  She hang on.  She’s a tough girl.

Today, I look at her big, gorgeous cheeks and how she takes those perfect little hands to swipe her growing blonde hair from her sky blue eyes and cry.  Because I realize that all of that stuff….all of those tears….all of the sleepless nights…I would go through all over again just to have her.  I’m so thankful for all of it.  It’s life.  It’s beautiful.  Full of ups and downs, but if you are patient, the rewards are magical.  At this moment in my life, the reward was Jesse.

My twin at work, her name is Heather (of course it is, she’s my twin).  Thank you so much for this inspiration…for everything.

So, my sweet Jesse girl, I longed for you.  And, you completed our little family perfectly.  You make us laugh, like Jonah.  You’re tough, like your daddy.  You’ve never met a stranger.  You always remind us to put on our seat belts…always looking out for us like your grandmommy.  You are so loving.  Your presence is felt by everyone.  You command a room girl, just like my mother did.  You have passion… for things like the moon…like me.  You are the best of all of us.  I love that.  I love you.  I promise I always will.

1 comment:

  1. I am so happy you took the time and share Jesse's story. She is indeed a miracle child. I am also glad that you were there for me when I was going through infertility. Because you had just experienced it yourself, I felt very comfortable talking to you about it. Wow, just look where we are now! Two beautiful miracles. I am sorry that you had to experience the infertility and the miscarriages. But I think it makes you appreciate the gift of life that much more. Don't you think? I know it has made me cherish how fragile conception is and how lucky I am to have another child. You are a wonderful mom!