Sunday, October 2, 2011

Thinking outloud

Does anyone else wonder what their purpose is in life?  I often wonder.  I regularly wonder.  I look at my kids with the deepest compassion.  I want to give them the most that I can.


I am beginning to wonder if I am normal.  Is it because I have experienced death so young in life?  Does anyone else breathe in the air so deeply and actually look at the sunrise and sunset and make it a part of them because you just wonder if you will ever see another one?  I don't know.  I don't know if it is a blessing or a curse.  I don't know.

All I know is all the little shit just doesn't seem to matter to me tonight.  I am so happy to lie here next to her.  I'm so happy to wait for my love to walk in the door after having to work on a Sunday night and grab some chocolate cake (I totally know he can't wait) and play with Luke and jump in the middle of the bed tonight next to me.

I'm so proud of my best boy upstairs too.  I'm proud of him for writing a letter to his little sister this weekend that said, "I'm sorry this happened to you.  You will fell better tomorrow.  And, I know it hurts.  Love, Jonah"  She is starting to have really chapped lips just like he had last year and the year before.  He truly understood.

Jonah, I can't tell you how I felt when you brought this in to her.  Tears, joy, disbelief.  You are so caring, my sweet boy.  Never, ever change.


I'm so proud of you.  You are rocking this baseball season too.  Totally rocking.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do except to tell these two children that I love them every single day, and that I am proud of them.  I know that I should teach them to be proud of who they are and to never compromise.  That's about it.

And I know I need to run with my girlfriends to make my head really clear for this sort of thing.

And I know that I could never do any of it without the love and support of my husband.

And I know...I need some rest to be able to do it all tomorrow.  Good night and have a blessed week.

And, thanks...really, thanks for stopping by.  It means a lot.  I love you.

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