Monday, October 3, 2011

Thinking outloud - Part II

Sometimes when I sit down to blog, very random thoughts land on this page.  I start writing the post forgetting that someone else might actually read it.  And then...that very sweet and honest someone else that actually read it is like, "I just read your blog, and I just have to say....What you talking about Willis?"  I look back at the blog and say to her, "Oh my, pretty bad ha?"  I think to myself that it made perfect sense to me the night before.  Then I make the same excuse that we engineers like to make...Oh, I'm an engineer, not a writer.  I even think of adding a disclaimer somewhere on this site.

I should say, BEWARE: ENGINEER BLOGGING.  I think I'll even add this line: Please forgive me, I should obviously be solving simultaneous equations instead.

But tonight I realized exactly what I was thinking.  At first, I was dreading work the next day.  I was wondering if I made the correct career choice.  I often wonder if I should work at all.  I go back and forth on this one.  Is there something else I can be doing to really make a difference in this world?  Would my angels be better off if I stayed at home?  Am I cut out for that?  AKA, what's my purpose?

Then, I think to myself, I should be proud in this day and time to have a job to go to.  Maybe I will make some progress on my task this week.

Then, I think to myself, I'm so lucky to be alive.  (This thought is always random and usually comes after a negative thought.)

Then, I look down at the big pile of clothes on my bedroom floor.  Then, I remember there's another big pile on the bathroom floor.  Then, I remember there's another big pile on my closet floor.  Then, I remember that all these piles are not in the laundry room because there are several big piles in there.  I refer to this sort of thing as the "shit."

Then, I think to myself, I'm so lucky to be alive.

See what I mean!

Then I remember something great my Jonah did that melted my heart, and I wanted him to know about it.  I took a picture of his letter in case it got lost some day.

Then, I think about work again.  I think about the best part of my work day...running with my girlfriends...and I am proud.

All through the post, I am thinking about my love and how much he means to me and how I couldn't breathe without him.

And in the end, I remember that someone might read it the next day, and I think to say thanks.  Then, I remember it will only be a small group of people that I love, and I think to just tell them I love them.

Then, the next day I realize that it didn't really come out that way, and I'm so glad just a hand full of people might have read it.

And lastly, I'm thankful for my friend.

Everyone deserves a friend that sends you a line like, "What you talking about Willis?"

And that's it.  I'm scattered.  So much goes through my mind on a regular basis.  Am I being a good parent?  Did I choose the right career path?  How will I ever get all these clothes washed?  And most importantly, will my angels ever possibly comprehend just how much I love them?

I tackled the clothes tonight.  It's a small dent, but I'll get there.

I can't promise this won't happen again.  You have been warned.  Good night :-).  

1 comment:

  1. I swear I can't read anything you write without boo-hooing! This is your purpose...all of it! You are a wife, a mother, a sister, an aunt, a daughter, a friend, an employee, a "photographer", a "writer", and that's just a little bit of it...oh yeah, duh, a cousin :) ...and you are the bomb at every single thing!!! You wouldn't be who you are without all of these. Those babies are so blessed to have you as their mom. They will grow up so thankful to have had you in their lives, and they will witness how amazingly awesome you handle each of your "purposes"!