More Amazed

She's wired tonight. Doesn't want to go to sleep. My fault...gave her cookies too late and was really curious about the Bachelorette this evening. Sure, it's a waste of time, but hey, it's my guilty pleasure (still missed who she sent home). I can't fault Jesse. Not sure what happened to the routine. What routine? Yeah, I used to be big on that. But, I guess I'm like most parents. With the first child, we have all our t's crossed and i's dotted. We leave the house fully prepared with those disposable changing pads, buggy seat covers and and endless supply of wipes. There is a routine...a time for everything....snack, nap, dinner, bed.

Then, the second child comes along and all these rules start to...well, get a little less defined. Maybe it's because it's summer. Maybe it's because we realize how quickly it all goes by. Maybe it's because we are constantly amazed by them and want to soak more time with them in. Maybe we're just tired. Who knows. Who cares. It is what it is. And how the hell do you say no to that face anyway? Nearly impossible.

Maybe I'm Amazed

The other day, I hadn't had a shower, threw on some old shorts and a t-shirt. Not even sure what we were doing, but definitely not leaving the house I guess. And Jesse looked up at me with her sweet smile and beautiful blue eyes and said, "Mommy, you look so pretty." My heart melted completely. I grabbed her up and said, "Jesse, you look so pretty too." She gave me the sweetest smile again as if I told her she was a princess. I understand how that feels, because she just made me feel like one...even though I was a mess. And I love her for that. I am amazed by her.

The other day, in spite of our Summer relaxed bedtime rules, Jonah wanted me to read him a book upstairs. Ok. We went up alone together and read one of our favorites by Eric Carle, The Very Hungry Caterpillar. And he had his snack as we watched that little caterpillar get fat for the 100th time and turn into a butterfly. And then, as usual, he brushed his teeth and we turned out the lights. "Mommy, will you lay with me for a minute?" Sure baby. He asks me every time. Even though he knows he doesn't have to. "Mommy, will you scratch my back a little bit?" Sure baby. Then, as I get up after a good scratching, "Mommy, can I have a sip of water?" Sure baby. Every single time. Exactly the same routine. I kiss him and tell him good night and he's my best boy. I love you. "I love you too." And every single time, I am amazed by him.

The other day, I was in a mad rush to get home from work and get out of the house for baseball. Running around like a crazy person gathering what we needed. I was a mess. My love reminded me on the way that it didn't matter if we were late. It just DID NOT MATTER. What was important was that we were all together and enjoying, loving each other. He was so calm. I was mad at myself for not being the same. Stupid. And as usual, I was amazed by him. I should have told him so.

I am constantly amazed that these three human beings make me feel like and strive to be a better person. Every day they keep working on me. And I'm trying every day to be more amazing for them.

So, today, I took my Friday off. Yes, I could have worked and "made up time." But today, I wanted to have an amazing day. So, I did.

Day at the park, take-out hot dogs back to the park for a picnic, Ms. Kelly joining us for hot dogs, pool...then slip-n-slide. Yes, I crammed as much in as I possibly could.

I love you, my three Amazings.

Oh, why the hell not?

My love and Jonah left this Father's Day for a while....went to the golf store. All I wanted to do was get the big stuff picked up, get myself a little ready, put Jesse girl down for a nap and start my love's dinner. But this little girl had other plans.

Oh, why the hell not? Here ya go. Knock yourself out girl.

"You want some?" "OK."

When we were done, somehow she decided to celebrate by jumping on the bed. And again, why the hell not? And look what I got. See, most people would throw this picture out. But I was so excited to see this one. I guess I could have pretended that I was going for this effect. Who cares...I love it. That's my girl in action.

At this point, forget nap. That's just not going to be easy. All my why the hell not's didn't really help matters. But again, oh well. Need to get cooking.

First, dessert. Peach and Blueberry Crumbles. Summery dish I think. Daddy loves fruit desserts. Side note...apparently, if you boil peaches for 30 seconds to a minute, the peels just rub right off so easily. It's amazing.

Not too bad. But perhaps this was a little heavy of a dessert to follow spaghetti and meatballs? Oh, why the hell not?

I think these Dads liked it just fine.

But see, my don't care attitude when it came to Jesse's nap really bit me..well you know. She passed out just before dinner. She missed the rest of the evening. She missed the Father's Day celebration. And...Jonah's putting game with his own rules...

Grandmommy and Aunt Kelly in the back yard...playing along with Jonah's rules and watching fire flies.

But, this bothered me the most. It was the clearest of clear skies I have seen in so long. The moon was beautiful. I was so upset. She's missing it. So, I took a picture of this one for her. Later, my love reminded me that there would be plenty more moons.

I really hope to make this up to you tomorrow night...my sweet little moon lover.

Appointment with a Rock Star

As a parent, at least for me, there is nothing more important than keeping your children happy and healthy. The second part of this has been on my mind so much the last two days.

I spent the entire day with my boy on Tuesday. He had an appointment with a Rock Star. Well, not literally. A Rock Star in the Speech Therapy world though. He's a well published doctor and expert in his field.....and he's right here in my city...at Children's. It took us months to see him, but it was well worth the wait. To make a long story short, the Rock Star looked at me and said something like this... "We can fix this with therapy. He does not need surgery. I want to do it here. I want my people to work with him and I want to oversee his progress." The look on my face must have revealed my pure shock. Who are you and what planet are you from? You are a Rock Star and you want to take time out of your busy days to help my boy? Again, how did we find you?

Later, as I thought of his incredible passion for what he does and true concern for my child, I was nearly brought to tears. See, all a Mom wants to do is provide this type of care for her child and sometimes it is so hard to find. When we do, it's the greatest, most wonderful type of wonderful. I just want to scream to the heavens, Thank You!! Maybe it is silly. It's just speech. There are families tackling so much worse and I understand that. We've had worse challenges ourselves. But right now, all I am thinking is that this is my baby...my boy. Everything that concerns him is a big deal to me.

I've been walking on a cloud since we left. I mean, we have a lot of therapy coming our way, juggling of time, and who knows if it can be corrected totally, but I'm good. I'm not worried anymore because we are being taken care of by a gifted Angel. I can rest easy.

I took something else with me from this experience. Huge revelation really. If we were all this passionate about what we do everyday...Wow. How wonderful this world could be. How even more wonderful.

I think Jonah will remember his Rock Star Speech Doctor when he is older. As he thinks of what he wants to do with his life, I'll tell him this, "Remember Dr. Riski? Helping or inspiring others is the best gift you can give back to this world. Do something you have passion for...something you love. And, you and the people around you will always be happy."

Recharging

I made the decision early this morning to forgo an overnight trip with my family. Of course, after some encouragement from my love. See, I've been so consumed with work, being with my family, taking pictures, and blogging that I have completely let my house go. It was starting to get to me. After some thinking, I decided my upcoming days would be even greater if I just got this place a little more under control.

I sent them off with a little tear...wondering if I did the right thing. It wasn't too difficult for the kids at all. Well, because they were headed to Grandmommy's house. You know, that magical place where all their wishes are granted and they can eat fudgesicles at 10:00 at night if they want. Top that off with Granddaddy's birthday, Baby Ella's pool birthday party and....cha ching. Two happy children.

So, I turned on some music and danced with 409 in hand. I forgot how enjoyable this could be.

I found my closet floor. Discovered my beautiful red shoes that I need to make a huge point to wear very soon. Walked around in them for a minute and imagined I was Carrie Bradshaw about to meet friends in Manhattan for Cosmos. Ahhhh, I could totally be a big city girl..of course, with a country accent.

Side note...my girl shares my love of the moon....and shoes.

I realized there was no way I could get this entire house the type of clean I like in one day. So, I went outside for a little while and soaked up a little sun (carefully). And later this evening, I poured my glass of Pinot Noir and painted my toes the same color. OPI Black Cherry Chutney. My Lincoln Park After Dark was pretty faded.

Evening is here. At this point, I really started missing my love and my babies. So what do I do? Open up this beautiful, silvery Mac and start gazing at pictures from our summery last night of course.

And my love dodging my pictures. Love these.

All the thoughts that went through my head today get to land right here on this sort of blank page. Hello my glass of red wine. Hello my freshly painted toes. Hello my new passion for picture taking and blogging.

So, I miss my family. But this recharging is good. Mamas need this sort of thing every now and then. When they come home tomorrow, my hugs will be a little tighter, my attention extra closer, my smiles a little bigger. Can't wait!

Don't Cry Diana

So, I didn't mean to make her cry, my Diana Barry. I need to make it right. Usually, I'm the one she would get to laugh at uncontrollably. Yeah, I fell up the steps first day of school Freshman year. That was a good one. I busted it lots of times. Probably the best one was at cheerleading camp when I ran a sprint and jumped some object as if it was an Olympic hurdle. Didn't quite make it over. Even the blood couldn't keep her from stopping that loud laugh of hers. I'm glad to go through the pain and embarrassment just to hear that laugh though. We hardly ever see each other anymore. At times I send her a message and I can just imagine her laughing at her desk or wherever. Like the time I was walking up from the lunchroom at work with my salad, Diet Coke, and in my heals of course. Something happened and yes, I landed face forward. Saved the salad! All the way to my desk I laughed. And I imagined her laughing with me. I'm sure that will always be the case. So, in a way, I guess she's always with me.

Guess I shouldn't go into the fact that she was by my side on that April day too...maybe later. For now...

"I solemnly swear to remain faithful to my bosom friend, Diana Barry, for as long as the sun and the moon shall endure." Anne Shirley, Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery

Don't cry Diana. You know who you are. Nothing to cry about here. It's all good. Same old me really. Just letting it all out. Open book I guess. Why not? It feels good. I promise to keep making you laugh. Always.

This one's for you babe. Now dance.

Dream a Little Dream

There it is. Can you see it? Already. Every night after bath, just before bedtime she says, "See the Moon?" Ok baby. We walk out the front door most of those nights. Begin the search. If we can't see it, lately we just enjoy the fire flies. But the nights we do, oh, those are special.

How? Is it just a coincidence? I don't know. Maybe. But, on this night, I felt like I was looking in a mirror. She's dreamy. She's dreamy like me. I saw the part of me that grew up wanting so badly to go there and touch that beautiful, heavenly object.

Guess I'll tell her what my Mama told me.

Inside the front cover of,

The Astronauts

The First 25 Years of Manned Space Flight

By Bill Yenne

And then I'll tell her she made all my dreams come true.

You Saved Me

The other day we paid a large amount of money to a man who put a bunch of holes in the yard. Think about that for a minute. Sort of funny. Oh, but it will be a night and day difference he says. Truth is, I was pretty excited to get home and see the results myself. Four inch plugs, top dressed. What's wrong with me?? I guess I just enjoy seeing my love so proud of his yard...his home. I don't think I have ever met anyone who works so hard at them both. Most of the time I feel like I'm a slacker lately compared to him. I mean, all I want to do is take pictures and write. He's pretty understanding.

How in the world did I find him anyway? I saw him in the hallway in high school one day. I remember that day our eyes met. He didn't say a word. But there was a connection. Who is that guy? That older guy with the most amazing blue eyes I had ever seen. He drove a black Toyota truck...lived near my best friend. Yeah, who is that guy?

Somehow, he finally said something. Talked for hours and hours and hours. So easy. Most of the time while he was working a midnight shift. Cori kept asking....no, we're just friends I said. She knew better. So did Mama.

Summer after my freshman year was the beginning. It's been now..wow...nearly 21 years. I haven't thought of that in a long time. I actually had to just do the math. Married for.....more math.....almost 13 years. We have never broken up....never really been apart. Crazy ha?

So as you've guessed, today my love is 40. I remember when he turned 21. I made strawberry cupcakes. Then, I managed to make enough to shape them into a huge 21. I can see it just like yesterday, displayed on my Mom's kitchen table and waiting for him to come see. I even remember the smile on his face. I'm feeling a little old right now. And probably embarrassing him.

We've been through a lot. I've chased my dreams and he followed me. Then, he chased his dreams and I followed him. We've been through hard times, wouldn't be normal if we didn't. We've helped each other through some of the most difficult, unexpected trials in life. How could I have ever survived that April Day without him. He helped me breathe again when I felt like I just couldn't anymore. And so many more moments he only knows. We've been together through the most wonderful miracles in life. Seeing him hold our children for the first time. Unexplainable. Pure happiness and joy.

Amazing that I found him in that same little town I grew up in. So incredibly amazing. I feel like the luckiest person most days when I look in his eyes. I love my husband. I love our children. I love my life.

Wish I could travel back in time. Wish I could run up to him in that crowded high school hallway and say, "We are going to have a great life! You are going to make all my dreams come true, and I'm going to love you forever." Give him a huge kiss and run on to class.

Happy Birthday Love. You more than complete me...you saved me. I love you.